Why Rest Feels Like Failure (And the Lie That's Keeping You Stuck)

Why does rest feel so wrong when God designed it for our good?

In this episode, I'm getting raw about my unhealthy relationship with rest and the breakdown that changed everything.

If you've ever felt guilty for taking a break or exhausted from performing even your faith, this one's for you.

In this episode, we talk about...

The lies we believe:

• "Rest is a luxury I can't afford"
• "If I rest, everything will fall apart"
• "I need to perform rest correctly"

The pivotal moments:

• Jasmine's shift from constant improvement to God's invitation to "dream, sit, and play"
• My fast food parking lot meltdown when God said "you've passed the test"
• Choosing resting over a Sunday service and finding God there

Why rest doesn't work when we do all the "right" activities:

• The heart shift vs. behavior change
• Sitting with uncomfortable emotions (guilt, shame, fear)
• How rest is where we actually get to know God

Plus practical reflection questions to uncover what's blocking your rest.

Key quotes:

"My worth has nothing to do with what I can produce. Rest does not take away from work."

"Rest and joy are tied together. You can't separate them."

"Fun is not childish, fun is childlike. God wants us to have childlike faith."

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Transcript

Speaker 0:46

Welcome to the Christian Women's Journey to healing and identity in Christ. Here we break free from shame, striving, and self-doubt to walk in the freedom and and miss you with Christ that we were always meant to have. I'm Melissa Chan, a Christian emotional healing coach with a PhD in developmental psychology. And today what we have with us, Jasmine Garcia, good friend of mine and a trustee co-host. it was clear that our inner healing journeys were so similar to each other that we decided to walk this out together with y'all, but we don't show up here as women that have it all together. we do show up as women who are healing in real time and just sharing vulnerably along the way. So if you've ever felt unseen, stuck or like there's something wrong with you. we're here with you. talking real emotions, real healing, and real Jesus. today we are talking about rest, what it means to rest in God. Hmm. And I would say that I've noticed in my life and so many other people's lives too, that rest is just so hard. Like why is it so hard to rest? Especially when it's something that God had created for us, for our good. so we wanted to explore that a bit today and talk about our personal journeys with rest, what God has taught us, what God has convicted us of. Um, that's fun. Um, and also just the hope that we have moving forward despite us not having it all figured out right now. Do you wanna share first your journey or do you want me to, or

Speaker 2 2:23

do you wanna go?

Speaker 4 2:25

Do you wanna go?

Speaker 2 2:26

Do you wanna

Speaker 4 2:26

go? Do you wanna go do

Speaker 2 2:28

I can go. Yeah, I can go. Okay. Um, I wanted to read two things. For me, writing is such an outlet, you know? And so sometimes when I'm going through a journey, like I tend to write about it and it gives language to what I'm feeling. What I'm going through, and then what I'm expecting for.

Speaker 5 2:46

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 2:46

And so helps you process too. It helps me to process and so, and it gives me something tangible to look back to. This is called Rhythms of Rest. I said, slowing down to see you and feel you in every waking moment of my present, I feel the nearest to my creator. When I give myself permission to dream, sit and play, my heart comes alive and hope becomes an over well overflowing well in me. and so that is a note that I wrote, like kind of in tune to just a reflection about coming to the end of my school year. Some of you know that I just finished, my associate's degree in, occupational therapy. Yay, celebration. Woo. I ended up writing like every break in between semesters since I started going to school. I would sit and reflect on ways I could improve. I would look at ways I struggled and actions I could take to grow with the goal of making things just a tad bit easier. As I started a new semester, however, this transition felt very different. As I have completed one chapter, my schooling journey, and I'm getting ready to gear into another one, I feel a pull to rest, to dream, to sit and to play. Shifting my focus from improving to exploring and being ever so present in these moments. I didn't realize how much my soul craved this gentleness and grace, but I can truly say this is where I feel the most alive and known by my creator. And so I wanted to share. This reflection. just a little backstory, I started my schooling journey, I think what two years from 2025? Yeah. Asking the, I started fall 2023. Oh.

Speaker 4 4:24

Time blindness though.

Speaker 2 4:26

Fall 2023, I believe. I entered the OT program, knowing that it would be a four year program. When I first started going to school, like my time management, very bad. I remember just sometimes like even waking up like 10 minutes before I had to catch the bus Oh yeah. To go to work

Speaker 3 4:45

and I would like brush my tea. I would do the bare minimum like survival, like brush my teeth, brush my hair, and like get out, maybe brush and wash my like splash water. That's the essentials, you know?

Speaker 2 4:57

And so, um, and then I remember I had long commutes to school'cause I go to school all the way in Santa Ana. And so I remember I was always late my first semester, like always

Speaker 3 5:08

like anybody that is a part of my cohort that's watching this. You know, like I,

Speaker 2 5:13

I felt like a hot mess my first semester after the first semester I would do these reflections with God healthy, balanced inventories, so it wasn't like. Everything that I did bad, it was like things that I can say, wow, that went really well. And then things that I can grow in this area, one of them was my time management, I really saw God's hand in that for my life. Little by little, I started showing up to class on time and I started to grow and to develop these healthier habits when it comes to like managing my time and stewarding that. I felt like was like. I know we've been working on improving,, but let's shift gears and, let's explore this concept of dreaming, sitting, and playing in my presence mm-hmm. And talk about how that brings rest to your soul and rejuvenation. I said yes to that, I spent four months of working 80 hours a week, 40 paid and 40 unpaid to be able to like, maintain my bills. during that summer, after I really prioritized, this invitation that God had given me to rest that's a little bit of my journey with rest. It came from a place of growing, like a growth mindset to then shifting gears and being like, let's, let's explore what rest means. And how that can bring life

Speaker 6:25

yeah. Thanks for sharing that. I mean, I can share briefly about my journey with rest. The whole journey was, was a hotness still, still kind of feels like it is. Yeah. I have a very unhealthy relationship with both work and rest. I think a lot of this is explained with my A DHD, which I mentioned before. I was recently diagnosed recently, recently as in like within the past month. so it's been a lot to process that and understand how my A DHD might also factor into my habits of not being able to time manage well. And just the way that I see. Rest and work. it all goes back to little kid Melissa. so obviously I didn't know I had a DHD back then. But I realized, or at least noticed that I struggled a lot cognitively. I struggled with learning. I would spend so much time trying to study or trying to do homework, basic homework that other kids would just do like, like nothing. You know, just like that. I've tried to vocalize to my mom that I was struggling and she would just tell me to work harder. that it's not that hard and I'm making a big deal out of it. So I'm like, okay, well as a kid, when your mom or dad tells you those things, then you believe them, right? Mm-hmm. So basically from childhood onward, I was the one that would always toil work so, so hard because I understood my weaknesses. I understood that if I don't apply myself full throttle, then I'm not gonna make it. You know, I'm not gonna pass. I can't do anything if I don't go at it full force, it formed this belief that rest is a luxury. Like, for someone like me, I can't afford to rest. But then because that forced me to work so much, I also resented work. When my friends saw me, when I was working, as a professor, like just getting started, I struggled so much and I was working all the time. Like, I would stay in my office until 1:00 AM, 2:00 AM and then that's when I would have my first meal. Rest was a luxury. Lunch was a luxury, I had so much to do and despite me putting in all this time, I felt as if I was not getting anywhere. I would try to take breaks, I would try to rest, but it seems like even when I come back from rest, I wasn't feeling refreshed and I wasn't making any progress. I had this very unhealthy relationship with rest and all of that is because of this lie that had believed in as a little child that someone like me is not able to rest, but everyone else can. And if I rest, then it's all over for me.

Speaker 2 9:14

like if you were to rest then there would be di like dire consequences for us. Yeah.

Speaker 9:19

Like nothing would get done. Right. If I rested, then my lectures won't get done and I won't have anything to teach my students the next day. That's what it feels like and that's what perpetuates my survival mode.

Speaker 2 9:32

What would you say are some things that you feel like, because I feel like there's self-awareness right now. and what are some things that you feel like God is speaking to you in these moments

Speaker 9:42

I think it's layered on top of some of the other topics that we've talked about. A lot of it has to do with, I'm very results oriented. There was one episode where we talked about, I feel so broken, can God even use me? There's a lot of similar themes coming up from that where I felt like I am giving it my all and there's nothing to show for it. There's no like. Outcome it feels like. Yeah. Like I'm treading water and not getting anywhere. something that God has been challenging me to do in order to rest is let go of the outcomes.

Speaker 6 10:17

Mm.

Speaker 10:17

Oh wow. That's so, so hard when all your life, you're just measured by your outcomes. Especially for me.. When I couldn't produce anything other people made judgment calls about my character or my intellect.

Speaker 2 10:32

Yeah. I think one way that I can relate to you in that is that, prior to me going to school, I actually went through a period where. I didn't even think I would pursue a higher degree and I was actually okay, like And not doing so, and it, it all had to do with like, my relationship with the Lord. when I was saved, I felt like I found everything that was missing in my life. but growing it up in a single parent household, the expectation is like, you have to do better than, what we have right now, so that you're well set off. Yeah. I watch my mom work so hard for my little sister and I, kudos to her. Like, I mean, living in LA and being able to raise two daughters on one income, that's amazing. Sometimes I look at her and I'm like, I have no idea how she did it, but I give thanks to God for his provision over our lives. I will say with that, there was a season where she would tell me are you not ambitious? Like, do you not wanna do anything with your life? I remember just being like, there's so much external pressure of you have to be somewhere at a certain age, and if you're not there at a certain age, then what does that mean about you? Right. And so I remember just like going against the grain and being like, I found everything I need if I work at a fast food restaurant. Like, and I remember telling my mom at the time, I was like, I'm not gonna go back to school for you. I'm not gonna go back to school for anyone. If I were to ever go back to school, it would be because I felt God was calling me to do it. That kind of brought attention in my relationship with my mom because she was like, you sound crazy. But I knew deep down inside,, I didn't want to put value in the outcomes I think sometimes there's value in success Yeah. Or the standards of this world, Oh, Yeah. When in fact there's unseen things that are still producing results, even if they're not results that are shown.

Speaker 12:19

our society, and I would say some church culture as well Is very results driven. Like, I'm not saying results are bad, results are good. Yeah. Results help us to measure things. Right. Assess things. But there can be an overemphasis on it. if we are admiring people who have success or pursue and persevere to get success, or the, I don't know, the, the pastor who, Did what was necessary and didn't take a break We look at that and we're like, wow, you showed such strength. Like, I'm so proud of you. I wanna be like you. You know? Yeah. I think that is that external pressure and then from there our identity kind of gets wrapped up into our ability to perform and achieve and so these negative or limiting self beliefs start to form About ourselves. for me that was the case. It's followed me from childhood onwards and now as an adult, I am. Trying to separate my identity from my performance or from my results and outcomes. it's so hard because it goes against what feels like my programming, so to speak. It feels so wrong, like I'm disappointing God, or that I'm not doing a good job at stewarding what he's given me. I actually had, um. A conversation with God. This, this was when I was having like meltdown after meltdown. And I, I drove down to, I drove down to Kane's, um, like the chicken place? The chicken place. Oh, okay. And I parked in their parking lot. Did you just sit there? Yeah. I love it. I love it. I sat there and I cried. I had a meltdown. Yeah. But prior to the meltdown, I was just kind of like zoning out. You have a, I'm

Speaker 2 14:10

so sorry. Just side note, you have a way of bringing comedic timing. I mean, just parked at Canes. I had a meltdown. I know it's a serious thing, but like, how am I not supposed to like kind of cackle Just a little bit? Just a little bit. I

Speaker 3 14:22

mean, it

Speaker 2 14:23

cane's chicken.

Speaker 3 14:24

It's not cane's chicken. Did you at least grab some chicken? I did. I did. Okay. Okay. Good. Good. Okay. Anyways, some sort, but,

Speaker 14:32

but yeah, no. Um, so here I am sitting in the parking lot after I've stuffed my face with chicken and um. I get into these moments where I'm just like zoning out and disassociating for myself because it's just too overwhelming. And then finally I'm like, okay, God, I know I need to talk to you I don't feel good right now. I had been having meltdowns all day and I sat with God and I was just like, I don't, I don't know. How to change. I know that I need to, but I don't know how to, and I feel all this pressure, like, I know that I need to get this right. I need to get rest, right. I need to perform rest. Right. You know, and that's what I was thinking as, as a much of a paradox as it sounds, I'm like, I need to learn this lesson so that I can properly steward everything that you're giving me. I need a pass, Lord. I just started crying and I'm like, Lord, please help me. I can't, I can't do this. Paul says the things I wanna do I don't do, and things I don't wanna do, I do. That's, that's like me, when it comes to rest, the things I want to do, rest I don't do because all of this guilt associated with resting. and then the overworking, not because I'm a workaholic, because I don't enjoy work at all. But feeling like I have to work because so much is riding on that responsibilities and I have to eat, I have to have money to live. You know, all these sort of things. These responsibilities are piling up and I'm just like, I don't know how to rest., I've tried, I've implemented things. I don't know what I don't know. God, I don't know how to do this. I heard him tell me, you've passed the test. And I was like. What, as soon as I heard that, I broke out into the, like, even deeper crying. it's a kind of cry that I've never even heard out of myself before. Like an infantile, like child hyperventilating kind of cry, like a eh, eh. I was like, what am I doing? This is such a foreign sound coming out of me. I cried like that for half an hour I just ended up blurting out. How could I have passed the test? God, I feel like I've squandered everything you've given me. I feel like I've disappointed you, I was basing, passing the test off of all of these things that I could have done for God, but I didn't. I just kept asking God, what do you mean I've passed the test? Like I don't think I have, and it's not that I don't believe you God, but help me with my unbelief. I want to believe that I passed the test that I'm struggling. And, uh, that's when this revelation of all the how works driven I am and my identity wrapped up and works. kind of came to the surface. I was like, well I have to, with the help of the Holy Spirit, learn to disassociate these two things my worth, it has nothing to do with what I can produce. rest does not take away from work. I know that the word says that God made, the Sabbath for man, not man for the Sabbath. The Sabbath And rest is something that is for our good and it's not just something that propels us to be more productive when we go back to work. That's how a lot of us treat rest or even that rest is just something that's necessary, but we're missing the beauty of rest. Which was my case, I almost resented the fact that I needed rest. I think when it comes to resting in God, he designed rest. So that we can set our hearts back on God to sit and reflect on how God has been with us that whole week. When God rested on the seventh day, he saw what he created. He like, it's like he created this like amazing masterpiece and he sat back and he's like, yeah, that's good. I made that. You know, he is admiring the creation that he created and that's kind of the whole heart of rest. Like sitting back and just admiring God, spending that time with him. We can do all these behaviors like go on vacation like we can go through these actions that. On paper. are restful things. These are things that we enjoy, but we can still do them and not be rested. Because there's a heart set, a heart change when it comes to resting with God.

Speaker 2 19:03

God, creating, and then taking a moment to rest. And how he sets the tone for rest and kind of embodies it for us. I think when we give ourselves the opportunity to rest, we get to enjoy, not just God's presence, but God's creation. the things that are around us, and. Not even just participating in those things, but even just sitting and just like being still Enough to observe, and take in all that, we're surrounded by. Yeah. Rest and

Speaker 19:31

joy are tied together. Yeah. You can't separate them. At least not how God had designed rest and joy. I was listening to this podcast they were talking about this topic about rest and why they have a hard time with resting. And one of the reasons that this person gave was, I can't rest because we're in a spiritual battle. there's no rest and war. and then he also mentioned that rest feels like a luxury. and his identity was also wrapped up in something that was misaligned with God. the person that I'm referring to is Preston Morrison. he has a podcast called The Leaders Cut. So Good. I love listening to stuff. but he had shared in this podcast that there was one defining moment when he was a young pastor he had gone to play golf on a Tuesday it's something that he enjoyed And I guess, a deacon was also there. and then. Coming back to church. The deacon went up to Preston and was kind of sarcastic, like, man, I wish I was a pastor. I could play golf on a Tuesday. for the guy, it was, you know, just a non-com something. That's funny, sarcastic for Preston. It was this turning moment where he was like, never again, I cannot be seen this way. Because he was judged. He felt judged. Yeah. Yeah. And he's, you know, a young pastor. He was like, I think in his twenties, he said, and so he was like, I have to, you know, get everything together. I have to be on point. I have to work really hard. So since then he hadn't rested well. Once God started disentangling that mindset, it enables him more so to rest. So I think in order to rest, it's not about a list of things that we can do to be more restful. Yes, we can do those things. We can literally take a nap. We can go for a walk. Some people like hiking, I don't understand that, but to each their own, um, you like hiking? Yeah,

Speaker 2 21:39

I do.

Speaker 21:41

And I like napping.

Speaker 2 21:43

I love, I love napping too. I love midday naps though.

Speaker 21:47

But yeah, whatever it is that you enjoy, you can like do all these things, but if there's no shift in heart set and mindset, then we're missing what it's like to rest in God properly.

Speaker 2 22:00

It does take self-reflection, being able to slow down enough, and then sometimes I call it going on a like hard halt. you know how sometimes like a car breaks, kind of abrasively. Yeah. I feel like there are times where those things are needed in our walk, to just like, hold up. Yeah. I'm like, I've been going a hundred miles per hour, like, I need to stop at this point. and sometimes it's gonna look like a hard stop and it's gonna feel like you're breaking really hard and it's gonna feel like a jolt in your life, but it's necessary to do that self-reflection, to be able to take inventory of your life. And even of the inner motives of your heart that can be perpetuating you in this cycle of not being able to rest properly. Yeah. You know, because like you said, we can do activities that, are considered self-care activities that can bring about rest. But if our mind, body, and, and heart and soul connection are disconnected our ability to rest is hijacked a little bit.

Speaker 23:03

So for all you listening, to kind of help with the self-reflection, because it, yeah. It can be hard to start. I'm a deeply introspective person. Yeah. So this is second nature to me. But, if you want some questions to help pinpoint if there is this major turning moment where all of a sudden your identity got wrapped up in something that wasn't of God, and then now it's dictating your rest rhythms or lack of rest rhythms. I think one thing you can do is sit still with God, invite the Holy Spirit in and just ask for revelation. Is there something else that's driving my work ethic? that's a good question. Is there a pain point that I'm unaware of that's making it hard for me to rest? whatever variation of that that comes to mind. But just asking these questions to the Holy Spirit and sitting and waiting. Sometimes the Holy Spirit might bring up a specific memory like the Holy Spirit did with Preston Morrison. sometimes it's a phrase like, for my case, and that broke me down. And then my follow up was asking God, why in the world did I react that way? Like, what's going on? And then kind of peeling back the onion to reveal all these layers to find, oh, this, this is why, because my identity was wrapped up in this and. It has to change in order for me to actually rest in God.

Speaker 2 24:32

Also when you're doing a self-reflection, make note of, feelings that come up. Yes. Um, I think a common feeling that can come up for people that may struggle with proper rest is guilt. Yes. And shame. Mm-hmm. Those, those are the first two ones that might come up. And then fear. Mm-hmm. I would say those are the three that will come up and, sitting in the tension of those feelings. I think sometimes like. We won't sit long enough in that tension to allow rest to fully take its course because we experience these uncomfortable three feelings. Yeah.

Speaker 5 25:02

So

Speaker 2 25:02

sometimes it's like, I'd rather not feel the guilt I don't like this feeling. And so we don't wait long enough for that feeling to kind of dissipate. if we're not careful, we might shorten our time of rest because we don't like the way that rest feels at first. and to add on to what you're saying is just to sit with those feelings and don't. Try to get out of those feelings so quick.

Speaker 25:24

Yeah. And there's grace in that process, right? Yeah. For those of you who struggle to sit in the discomfort of those emotions, I mean, first of all, I don't think anybody just enjoys doing that. Like, no, what are you gonna do today? I'm just gonna sit in my anger, I'm gonna sit in my disappointment. I enjoy it so much, it gives me rest. Yeah. Like nobody says that, right? so I just want to encourage you, just do it a little bit at a time. Maybe do a minute first, and then build up two, five minutes or 10 minutes. You know, if you need to do those baby steps, it's okay. And there's no shame if you. Feel like you can't, endure like 30 minutes of sitting in those, uncomfortable emotions with God. it is something that you can work up to with the help of the Holy Spirit.

Speaker 2 26:14

Being able to like, tell someone that you're struggling to have that rest or naming the feeling to someone I think can take off this pressure. when I've struggled to rest or I feel feelings of guilt, shame, or fear, the person that I tell that to is my little sister. she'll be the first person that I say like, I don't know why I'm just feeling guilty about. being still and doing nothing. and she'll be a listening ear, actually this happened to me yesterday. I work at a coffee shop, I was working at the register and I love people. I love working with people. But that constant contact for eight hours, like I felt very depleted, you know? it's a lot of like, hi, how are you doing? Good morning. I'll be at the register taking orders for like an hour straight or two or three, know? without breaks. I remember getting home and my mom, my little sister, her boyfriend, they were all gonna get ready to have dinner and I was like, I'm so depleted. And so I looked at my fam and I was like, Hey guys, like I don't think I'm gonna join you for dinner I'm just gonna go in my room and just have my fooding and wind down a little bit, at other times, and even in that moment, I could recognize that I could allow the guilt of or even the pressure to want to be like. The perfect Christian person, like, I should, I should be sitting with my family and doing the thing. But I was like, I had nothing in that moment, And not allowing that kind of guilt or even those like, unspoken expectations or that external pressure to, to get it all perfect at all times, gave me that space. it's like little moments like that where you recognize oh, like maybe that thought does still come up, but there's a small pivot, you know? And you're not gonna allow the guilt, the shame, or the fear to lead you

Speaker 27:51

that's a good transition to talking about I. How, the steps we're taking to actually rest and the hope that we have in God when it comes to him helping us rest. Do you have like a, specific win, like a story that you can tell?

Speaker 2 28:07

Ooh, uh, okay. I have to think about it a little bit.

Speaker 3 28:09

I feel like I know I have. I do have long term memory, but like, no, I'm, I do have long term memory, but sometimes when people ask me like, oh, do, do you remember? I'm like, going in my files and I'm like, I know, I know. There's something there. Like I existed

Speaker 28:28

at that point. I know I Something should happened.

Speaker 2 28:31

Something. Yeah. Should have happened. is there anything that comes up for you right away?

Speaker 28:35

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. I can buy you some time. Okay. Buy

Speaker 2 28:38

me a

Speaker 28:39

little bit of time, please. Yeah. Um, and I did spring this question on you all of a sudden, to be fair. So, um, but yeah, it might not seem like much to people, but I know for me and for God that this was something really big. This has to do with my teaching. I feel immense pressure to be on it when it comes to teaching because my students are relying upon me, you know, anytime that someone is depending upon me for something or my actions affect someone else. Resting is exponentially harder for me, because I think if I rest, if I refrain from grading tonight, if I don't get this lecture done, or if I don't answer this email, then I'm affecting this student me not answering their SOS email, they're probably gonna be even stressed out. And I don't want them to be stressed, even though it's stressing me out, you know? and so very recently, I think this was last week, I made a conscious decision. I, had so much work that I still had left to do and at this point it was already midnight. I typically get into hyper focus modes, especially when I have a deadline. And so I will push myself. 1:00 AM 2:00 AM 3:00 AM even 5:00 AM. As long as I get it done. most people operate in a different way where it doesn't matter, how much I get done by this time, I need to go to bed. That's a foreign concept to me. For me, it's, it doesn't matter what time I go to bed, I need to get this done. Again, very results oriented. I had to disrupt that pattern, right? So what I ended up doing was, uh, around midnight, I was like, dang, I really would've liked to be able to have the students' assignments graded so that they can know their grade properly, going into this next exam that they have. again, wanting to do what's best for my students, And thinking if I were a student, I would wanna have a better idea of what my grade is. So I'm relying upon the professor to grade all these things, right? I just had to let that go and just. Pray and ask God, can you please give grace to my students to give grace to me, and help me to let go even of how they might perceive me. And also acknowledging that it's probably way worse in my own head than it actually is. I remember, sending out an email to my students and, telling the groups of students whose papers I didn't get to, I'm so sorry. I've been dealing with a lot. cause they know about me finding out about A DHD. And, the sensory overload has been horrendous. Like I've just been struggling with a lot of physiological issues. And so, I emailed my students and told them, I really wanted to get this done. I truly tried. and I'm so sorry. That I'm not able to get this done in time for you to have feedback into the next paper, or to have a better idea of your grade. But here are some general comments that I've seen across papers and I hope that this is helpful. a student had emailed me back and was like, professor, I wasn't even expecting you to grade. Like you need to take care of yourself. And that's when I was just like, oh my gosh. Like in my own mind, it seemed like everything was riding on this, like it would be the end of the world if my students didn't get their paper, when in actuality. I think resting entails so much trust in God. It's so like counterintuitive, right? Especially for me, someone who's addicted to results. I have to, leave things unfinished, believing in faith that the Holy Spirit would empower me to do the things, complete the things that God has placed on my plate.

Speaker 2 32:32

Yeah. I like that you said, yeah, it does take a lot of trust and, I would even say like, an aspect of trusting is like letting go. Yeah. relinquishing, you took steps of faith, and, there was affirmation in that,

Speaker 32:44

yeah. Got so gracious to affirm me through a student.

Speaker 2 32:48

Yeah. cause I'm sure you felt uncomfortable.

Speaker 4 32:50

Oh yeah. Like, you know, the shame that I felt walking into class the next day of like, alright, let's not talk about the elephant in the room. Let's just go ahead and get started with lecture ladi da.

Speaker 2 33:03

Yeah. But I love that you're being open and honest and vulnerable with your students too, you know? Mm-hmm. I think that takes a lot of courage too, cause you could go on the journey and not be vulnerable in it. God's

Speaker 33:14

done so much through it too, but that's a whole other topic. Yeah. Like, it's, it's led to a lot of really great deep conversations with students and even students who struggle in similar ways as me. So it's been amazing to see how God's working through all of that. And none of that would've been possible if I didn't, vocalize what it is I was struggling with, you know?

Speaker 2 33:36

Yeah. So, coming to you guys, how the courage of vulnerability leads to connection. That's the episode. Okay. A I'm just getting, I don't know, but yeah, that

Speaker 33:48

sounds like a book title that, uh, or, or a collection of poems that Jasmine's gonna write. Oh yeah.

Speaker 2 33:54

Probably in my head. Um, but yeah, no, so yeah. I love, I love that.'cause I, I think that's what we talk about. And that's why we show up the way that we show up here. Mm-hmm. You know, because, it takes courage to show up week after week and record the podcast and be vulnerable and, and really not know because sometimes you're in the process, you lack the words or the articulation to embody what exactly you're going through.'cause you're still in the journey. Yeah. So us showing up is, is part of that journey too. And it feels like incomplete at times, you know? Right,

Speaker 34:26

I think even in us approaching this episode, there's been a shift for me. Like, I think, and I think you could kind of tell before too, where I was just so anxious. going into episodes, I was like, okay, I have to have the three talking points. I have to do what my business coach says. I have to do this and I have to do that. And it was just driving me mad. Like absolutely insane. and it was stealing my rest, my physical rest, but also my inner peace rest, resting with God. this week, I mean, I, I had also no choice. Like I just didn't have time to really reflect too much on this podcast episode, but talk about, you know, needing to trust in God and just showing up and just be like, okay, holy Spirit, this podcast is yours. Um, we are in front of this mic with no words to say. Yeah. You know. Um, so I think for me it's taking a lot of trust, but it's also this Dedication to wanting to rest well with God and just letting go of my old ways of doing things. Letting go of old mindset, letting go of these worries of if I don't do it this way or if I don't do it by this time, then I'm gonna be failing God. the only way to really allow God to prove to you that that's untrue is to face that fear. be like, okay, if I believe that I'm gonna disappoint God, if I don't do X, Y, and Z, then test it by not doing X, Y, and Z and seeing how God responds. And I guarantee you that you'll be very surprised.

Speaker 2 36:05

Yeah. you bought me some time. Yes. I'm like, I remembered. Um, I feel like I could name many, many different. Moments where I have felt victorious and rest. But I would say the one that's coming to my mind is, my mom and I love going to the farmer's markets together. Ooh, you bougie girl. Oh, I mean, I'm kidding. Oh, no comment comments. But, uh, I just, I don't know. I, there's just, I mean, we both share that love for food. Oh yeah. and I love food. I love coffee. I love sharing experiences with people that I love. There's just some things so restful like that to me. for some reason, I feel like there might've been a couple moments where I decided to not go to church and instead spend the day with my mom and go to the farmer's market We talk a lot about black and white thinking. Yeah. in my walk with God, I've alluded rest to it looking a certain way or it having to be a certain way. God has led me to experience rest, in beautiful moments like that with my mom to show me you can find me in places that you would've never thought, I would say that's a victorious moment because I think that it's also a moment that I feel like God is speaking to me now and he's saying, will you come find me? in places and in things you never thought I would be and it's gonna bring rest to my soul. I think it also has to do with growing me in understanding just how big God is and how much maybe I've unintentionally put'em in a box. For me rest, then and even now is, finding God in places I never thought.

Speaker 37:44

Yeah. And, you know, enjoying him and everything. That's beautiful. I really love that because even just the fact that you went to the farmer's market in place of going to church, That challenges a lot of people. I would say. some people might feel a discomfort rising Like, what do you mean, in place of church, right? Yeah. And I think. there's even some results oriented stuff associated with that, or I think about like perfect attendance. but instead of for grade school, like for church, Like we've been programmed to go to church every single week and we should, you know, we should be going to church. all these episodes that we're doing, we always have this disclaimer, we don't hate the church, we love the church. We encourage you to go to church and be in community. but what I am saying is sometimes there's a rigidity to our thinking. And it becomes a little legalistic. a good way to measure whether there's a degree of legalism is, you know, when you hear someone like that they didn't go to church, like, what's your immediate emotional reaction? Are you like, that's not good. I better go preach to her. I better send her scriptures. You know? Or if you. End up not going to church. Like how do you feel? Is there guilt? Is there shame? Is there disappointment or fear? Whatever it may be. Fear. Yeah. So that's a very interesting thing that you had brought up. When it comes to resting, there will be this beautiful joy. That you feel regardless of what's happening around you. No matter the work that's piling up, no matter the stressors that you're facing or your relationships that are in shambles or whatever it may be. Or maybe life is good, I don't know. But, joy is not contingent upon what's happening. you're able to experience that joy because you're able to experience God with you all the time, no matter where you go. And taking the time to just sit with God to do things with him, that's going to increase your rest and joy a lot.

Speaker 2 39:45

Your joy is tied to your child likeness and faith.

Speaker 39:48

Yes.

Speaker 2 39:48

The reason why I chose the word play and dream is because they're very childlike things to do. when you do put your trust in, I'm going to take these steps to rest, it's going to increase, That child likeness of faith. I don't know where I was going with that, but

Speaker 40:04

No, that, yeah. That's so good because, actually the podcast that I referred to earlier, it was an episode on having fun and joy in the Lord. he explored reasons why we don't have fun. Why are we so uptight, you know, or why are we so serious all the time? And he said that one of the major reasons is because we think that fun is, childish. And he said, fun is not childish, fun is childlike.

Speaker 5 40:32

Wow.

Speaker 40:33

And God wants us to have childlike faith God is such a good father. He has this immense joy in his heart when he sees us enjoying him, Enjoying the things that He's allowed us to do. I think it was, John Piper who talks about Christian hedonism, it is this idea of, we please God, when we enjoy God and enjoy the things that God allows us to do, you know, God gets so much joy in seeing us, being in joy.

Speaker 2 41:03

And you know what? For some reason it reminds me of one of the byproducts of rest and joy in the Lord, it's that we get to know who he is. Yeah. his word talks about be still and know that I'm God in Psalms 19 it talks about creation. How he beheld the creation of God and he saw the glory of God. He came to know who God is through that. And sometimes we do not give ourselves the space to behold his, creation enough to understand and see his glory which is part of the reason why we're in community relationship with him is to know him. that's one of the byproducts of resting when you rest while you will know him. through all the facets that we talked about.

Speaker 41:44

For those of you listening who. Struggle with rest or want to be able to rest more or want to be able to rest properly. know that like anything that we talk about in this podcast, it's gonna be a process and that's more than okay. His grace covers the process. I think what's important is allowing God to help you set your heart on him. You know, seeking first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these other things like learning how to rest properly. I think God will teach you how to do that. So hopefully you are encouraged by this podcast and amused by our antics. Um, so if this resonated with you, feel free to like, subscribe, comment, like. I wanna see those comments. I wanna hear what it is that's on your thoughts, what resonate with you. If something doesn't sit right with you i'm actually switching from my business, Instagram to just my personal one. Oh, I didn't know that. Yes. Yeah, I'm in the process of doing that. So that IG account is Mel sanity. M-E-L-C-H-N-C-H-A-N-I-T-Y. It's like a play on insanity, like then Insanity of Melissa Chan. I love that. I'll be posting content about my neurodivergent journey as well as all the inner healing stuff too. until next time, keep it real with real emotions, real healing and the real Jesus. She got it. She got it. Keep it real.